3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
