marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
