omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
