I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
