yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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