sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
