If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I deserve this hangover.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
