When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
