would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
