Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
