So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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