Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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