Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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