I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
