he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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