Your dad touched me again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am one with the molecules
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
