Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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