____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
