She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
