I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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