I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
