the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
