your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
