my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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