it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pants are for mortals
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
