yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
