after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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