those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
