you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
