I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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