Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pooping to opera.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
