Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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