so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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