hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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