I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't notice because vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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