Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
