Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
