The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
