I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you never un-have a 4some
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
