Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
