Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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