Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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