and next time when you feel me up, do it right
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
