Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
