I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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