Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
is that a dick in a sweater?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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