I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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