he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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