youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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