Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I enjoy the company of your penis
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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